Tuesday, December 30, 2008
I get that.
It is hard.
Things seem unfair. And I can argue that "who sets the bar for what's fair?" because we all see things from our own point of view - but that argument doesn't hold much for me when I say it outloud. My friend says that he is sure that there must be evil in the world & ultimately thinks that there must be some greater power - but he has concluded that that greater power must not have much control.
All of these questions - many of which will go unanswered forever....in this life...are fair questions.
So with my questions in hand & the challenge from another friend to read the Bible in a year - I take it to the Scriptures. I read the Scriptures as history - for that's what they are. Just as I read history books - events that I was not there to witness....but I trust that they are true. This is not a great big 'let me explain the universe & all it's workings to you" kind of entry :). That's not an entry I would ever attempt to post...but these questions are real & I like real questions that make me dig & dig & get a little uncomfortable.....so I'm thinking outloud....sort of.
So as I read the Bible & as I sit silently asking my questions...often times frustrated that things won't just get better for everyone...I hear nudgings in my heart. Almost little whispers. And guidance - words popping out at me from pages I've read before.....clarity in some ways...for now. For I know that my mind cannot ever comprehend all that God is.
I can say that I have had some hard moments in my life.....but I can't even really focus on them because they seem petty in comparison that what other people go through....but I know this, I have been an instrument in some people's lives ONLY because of those struggles. I am able to link arms with people simply because I have been down a road that hurt similar to the way it has hurt someone else. So it gives my "suffering" purpose. I don't believe that we are meant for this world but that we have a heartbeat inside of us that longs for forever. And I think that we are eternal beings. I don't believe we are promised an easy life. I believe that having more often makes things harder - but having nothing would certainly be much more painful. And there are those with nothing. And there are those with nothing that choose to cling to hope. I don't understand it but in the gospels after Jesus in baptized by John - Jesus is tempted in the desert. satan says something to the effect of "all of this is his to offer" - what? this world is his domain? Satan's domain? Freaky. But it sure makes a lot of sense out of some things.....
Because if this world is damaged, which I think we can all agree that it is, then my hope is in a greater something that I will be a part of. I believe heaven is that. Hope. And if I hope for that ... believing that I am just passing through this damaged world & that I won't stay....I hope that I would not simply acquire more & more to make myself comfortable here....but that I would focus on the future. And hope that all would know that & stand on that also.
I have this longing to go to Africa....& I've had to figure out why. I used to think I could make a difference there - but I don't think that's really why I want to go. I think I want to go because there are people with nothing - that choose to believe in the hope of more. That kind of hope must be real. So instead of feeling sorry them - I want to feed them, love them & most of all....I want to learn from them. Because that's what it's all about. The stuff of this world is temporary. But this heartbeat in me - this spirit - feels like it will certainly live forever. But here's the deal....if we feel like we have been dealt a "fine" hand in this lifetime....that all has been hunky-dorey. Then we are missing the need for more. We have become comfortable & saitsified with where we are. If we don't feel the need then I think the search for more will come to seem unnecessary. And it's not unnecessary. We have just decided that for whatever reason - we get to make that call. To say "I'm happy & I choose to not bet on the hope for more" - I don't even really understand that. If this world is corrupt - wouldn't you side with the hope for justice & peace & love? It's the most redeeming story I have ever heard & I don't get why people have such a problem with hearing about it.....but it even reads in the Bible that people will violently oppose this idea that there is a Savior from all of the pain. If you see that others are in pain - wouldn't you want to be able to tell them that there is more - to hold on because your life has a purpose & God PROMISED to make this right. Wouldn't you want to give someone that hope....rather than ......I don't know, the alternative? To believe that this is all for nothing? That seems so cynical. What is the fear in believing that there is a God & that He made things right so that if we want to - we can jump on board & have justice, peace & love forever & ever?
Are we afraid of being wrong? BEcause, maybe it's just me, but I'm ok with that. My belief is just that.....belief & faith. And I believe I'm right - or I wouldn't believe. And if I'm wrong.....well, then I lived a life with a lot of hope. I choose to believe that my life has a purpose & that everything I think & do is important for my heart, for the people around me & for the people not around me.
What do you think?
Friday, December 26, 2008
On Christmas eve.
At like, 5 pm.
So they get home & we eat dinner real quick & pop the movie in. Now, all is going well. She's really into the train & how can you not get all jittery inside over that crazy hot chocolate scene!?
You may remember this story.
Well, this one turned out to be quite similar.
She was completely freaked out by the movie. As you can see clearly in the picture. I believe she was saying, "I don't like this movie. I just want to go to bed. I don't want to watch it anymore."
And, as a side note, I took that picture. Seriously. Who does that? My baby is crying because she's scared & the thought that comes to my mind is "oh, I should grab my camera - it's a kodak moment"
As I'm posting this I wonder if I ever want them to see this blog when they get older....I guess it could actually be very helpful as they walk into their therapists office - they can simply hand them a copy of this blog.
Christmas morning came & I think Santa redeemed himself......but I'm pretty sure we won't be watching the Polar Express any time soon.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Anyway, back to the pictures.....we did decorate some quick sugar cookies. It was so late I was like - "Eat your cookies & go straight to bed!!!!"
"Hurry! Eat them! "
"Smile for the camera. Seriously. SMILE!!"
"Quick Quick Quick!!!!! Fa la la la la la la la la"
Why do I let myself get this way!?!?! My New Year's Resolution needs to be to take it easy. Make time.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
"I WILL gett bigger, mom. I will." was her response. I mean, i know that she will....I just can't believe it's happening so fast.
While we've been waiting for the Santa pictures to come back we have had a LOT going on. We celebrated her birthday with her friends at school & it really hasn't stopped since then. I'll start uploading the pictures & telling the stories. Enjoy these in the meantime.
That sweet baby got to come with us. Her big sister was SO proud to have the baby there. I was so worried that it would steal her moment - I"m glad she wanted to share her moment with her sister. She screamed almost the entire time....but for whatever reason that 4 year old barely noticed.
Monday, December 8, 2008
We walked up to check in & I informed them that my oldest would be screaming. "She's not the 1st" the lady said. They took pictures & I asked Santa if I could take a picture of him holding her Christmas list so that she would see that he got it. And then she put it in the mailbox as well. Those are the pictures I have for now. I"ll post the others as soon as I get them.
Have you gone to see Santa yet? Do your kids freak out or get excited?
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
The sweet baby has been so sick - so she just hung out on a blanket looking cute. I don't guess you have to do much to get your picture taken, right?
And here's the info for the show. Please plan to come - you will NOT be disappointed. It is going to be great. Check out the MARKET BLOG for all the details on the artists who will be there.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Here's the enormous amount of food the Mitchell family lived off of - breakfast, lunch & and dinner for too many days to count....
I had a lot of favorite dishes to choose from - see at my mom's we usually have turkey, ham, dressing, spinach madeline, curried fruit, cabbage casserole, potatoes au gratin, chess pie, & more..... At my dad's we have smoked turkey, ham, dressing, broccoli casserole, this jello salad that is so amazing, sweet potatoes, pecan pie, & more.....
A chose 4. 4 casseroles, a turkey, a ham, canned cranberry sauce, rolls & a chocolate chess pie.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
But I know this. I am blessed. Blessed beyond belief. A house filled with germs & a husband with no voice & I'm a talker so it's been kinda lonely, a 3 year old who seems to think she's 18 & free to do whatever the heck she wants & a toddler who cannot quite communicate his desires with words so chooses to scream & stomp his feet instead...and I am so incredibly thankful for all of it. Happy Thanksgiving. Night night.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
"Come on, we're gonna have fun!" we chimed back. So we loaded her onto the back of the bike & took a ride to the beach.
She was reluctant at first - head buried in her daddy's shoulder.
Then she warmed up a bit - up on the shoulders, smiling, gaining confidence....
And then we started playing chase - me & the girl, that is. Lee was watching from the sidelines. She loves to run around & "Be crazy!!!" She says it all the time, "Let's be crazy!!!!"
So we're running...."I'm gonna get you!" squeals of true joy.
And then with the grace of an angel......my feet get tangled up somehow & I'm falling......I reach out my arm to catch my fall, my hand hits her back & I accidentally throw my 3 year old face planted into the sand.
Her face covered. Blood definitely coming out of her mouth.
We load her back into the bike...tears & wailing & this is what I heard the whole way back,
"Mommy pushed me down!" & "I don't want to go to the beach with sand!"
Seriously, what kind of therapy are we going to be paying for.....seriously.
Friday, November 14, 2008
My darling children. As I said it was time to go, they cheerfully jumped into the stroller so obediently, I was so proud. It was one of those moments you never really forget as a mother.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Sunday, November 2, 2008
We are not huge Halloween people - we love Christmas & Valentine's Day & Easter...we jump all over birthdays & believe whole heartedly in celebrating. But halloween isn't our favorite.....so she's in a t shirt. But she wasn't just begging to be anything special for halloween & I'm certainly not going to spend a whole lotta cash on a costume when I wasn't even sure if she would be interested.....and then the whole candy thing. Well, i'm exhausted from a child jacked up on sugar....and I am 10 pounds heavier. I have to say, though, she had a blast. Her laugh is contagious & I heard it often that night :).
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
I am ovewhelmed -I've probably said that a few times....but I am overwhelmed with joy and with gratitude. 3 precious children......I pray in those moments of frustration & exhaustion, which undoubtedly come....sometimes daily....sometimes hourly....I pray that I will be reminded of this gratitude. Because my heart is stretched farther than I thought imaginable....a whole lotta love.