Wednesday, July 17, 2013

that little tree.

It's been a busy summer.
Busier than I like to be.
I wonder if I'm paying attention like I like to do.
To these people that have been placed so carefully into my life.
I wonder if I have gotten caught up in 'playing' for an audience that shouldn't matter so much.
Am I trying to be something for someone that I'm not supposed to be...
I don't know.
It's strange to be learning the lessons that I can so clearly see for my kids.
I feel that I am constantly trying to teach my kids to live out the purpose God's placed in their hearts.  To be confident in that.
To not follow the crowd if that's not where God's best is for you.
And to always be brave enough to walk away.
And these are the lessons that I'm learning today.

We live in a big city with amazing pockets of respite and community and green space.
It can be a little bit of perfect sometimes.
There's a park here that is one of those little bits of perfect & I like to walk through there.
The 2 littles were strolling with me one morning & we came across this

And the boy asked, "why?"
"Why does that tree need ropes on it & the others don't?"

All of our lives we run to keep up & be noticed & be included & be a part of.....
Because we are meant to live big.
I believe that.
I don't believe the desire to run forward is wrong.
I believe it's purposefully placed in us.
It's the what we're running after.
And I believe we are rubber bands.
I believe that there is a season for pulling back.
I believe there are seasons when we need the ropes.
Not to constrain us or to keep us from something.
But the ropes are to help us to grow the way we are supposed to grow.
Straight & tall & with great purpose.

I laid in bed with my oldest tonight & we talked about some circles she's been in & how there are some things she's always allowed to talk about with us, but some things she's just not allowed to do right now.
And we talked about the freedom we want for her.
But that the waiting is good.
That a rubber band that hasn't been pulled back doesn't go very far.
And I believe, & she believes, that she's meant to go far.

And for me,'s a pulling back season.  
It's a season of straightening.
It's time for some ropes of support to be put back up & for me to get my eyes back where they belong so that I can be strong.
And go far.
Like I was made to do.