Thursday, October 18, 2007

true love

Being a parent is different than I ever imagined it would be. From the very moment my 1st child was born, I held her & was overwhelmed. My eyes were opened to something I had not fully understood until that moment.
Someone loved me this much.
I imagined my mom holding me for the 1st time....she loves me this much! I never knew that love could feel like that. To hold Lu & then Bo, knowing that this perfect moment would be just a memory someday & we would experience our ups & downs & they would do more than just stare lovingly at me & fall asleep in my arms. No, they would grow & say things like, "No!" & "I don't want to" & many others things that i'm so looking forward to.....but I would always love them like this. What a gift to get just a glimpse of that kind of love. There are times that I become fearful for things that may happen to my family....a protectiveness that came when I became a mom. The stakes get a little higher each time a new person comes into my heart - and the tendency is to hold on & keep everything the way it is - safe, comfortable. There is a real danger in loving people so much....or I should say loving people the way we think they should be loved. Whenever I get fearful, Lee reminds me, "God loves her/him more that you ever could." Hard to believe.
Or at least it was until I held those babies. It was a love that had been in my heart all along & yet I had never ever seen it. And I could have gone my entire life without knowing it. But by God's sweet grace He gave me a tiny glimpse into His heart & His love for me.
He loves me this much? The God of the universe loves me this much?
No....He loves me so much more.

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