black or white, but mostly grey with a whole lot of color

Beware of the lack of flow or order or anything normal in this post....but there are things trying to be get out of me that want to be said :)...I have a point, I almost always do, it's just whether or not it got out of me in an understandable fashion is debatable.

I remember when my oldest, or is it eldest? anyway...moving on...I remember when she was just a baby & trying to roll over. I remember seeing that she was almost there & not doing anything to help her. I knew that this was a milestone for her & I wanted her to master it.

I think the story of the butterfly stuck with me....the one where a person walking down the sidewalk saw a butterfly struggling to break free from his cocoon, so the passerby grabbed some scissors to help the creature take flight....but the thing is that God designed a butterfly to push his way through the cocoon so that all of the goo from the cocoon will be removed from his wings so that he can fly. This butterfly never flew.

And I think I have shared this story here before.

I tend to be a person who leans towards personal empowerment.

When I took a personality test recently I was shocked to have to answer a question that read something like this: are you a person who values mercy or justice?

Um.

I hate that question.

Pick one.

Even just going through the thought process of picking one will tell you a lot about yourself, I think...

That baby genius who learned to roll over all by herself is now reading & reading really well. We are at a point in her life where she'll get to a word she doesn't know & I find that sometimes I let her struggle through it - sound it out, remember the rules, you can do it - & other times when I simply tell her the word & we move on.

Both responses are correct depending on the word.

Both are helping to propel her forward as she strengthens her reading skills.

Lee & I recently went through a season when the Lord placed something heavy on our hearts & then called us to action. The burden was so heavy & the conviction so clear that it seemed to us that it would be clear to everyone. We honestly thought we had just woken up to something that everyone else was surely aware of. We were surprised when people didn't see things the way that we did.

And it has sent us on a journey.

We've been in the cocoon.

We go to church with some very talented musicians. Well known musicians that are probably paid well for their talent as they are popular in Christian music circles. And I hear criticism about that. Should they make as much money as they do? Is it right for Christians to be so 'popular'? People aren't following Jesus they're just following a Christian culture. And within these circles of the Christian world I hear attacks. And then we watched one of these men accept a Grammy for his album. And in the room filled with Christians this man is loved. In a room full of non-Christians.....I didn't hear applause & I saw people checking their phones & all of a sudden the other side of the story was clear.

It felt lonely & I wondered if the people in that room hated Jesus, because I know people do & I may have been one of those people at one point in my life, but now every time I hear of someone hating Jesus I am certain they have never taken a pure look. I get angry that I believe He has been misrepresented & anyway....I felt proud to support the ministry of this man & his music because I saw so clearly that He is playing for the audience of One. And the One has brought many to gather in worship when Chris sings.

God places burdens on our hearts that shape us & make us into the people He is making us into. People don't always see things the same way. Political parties make you decide.....do you think that we should give handouts to people who need money? Or do you think we should take the cushion away so that people can be empowered to succeed? Do you think that 'wealthy' people should be forced to give portions of their money to the government? Or do you think that 'wealthy' people should be allowed to do what they want to with their money?And I am learning that I don't think it's that simple.

I hate that we live in a time when we think that really big, emotional & very real situations are as simple as 'this way' or 'that way'.

The Kony 2012 video is spreading like wildfire & with it comes the passion & the criticism.

I have heard all kinds from the white Americans 'need' to rescue black people to the salaries these people from Invisible Children take.

Sometimes individuals need the room to grow & succeed & to squeeze out of the cocoon all on their own with people standing by cheering them on. And sometimes people need to be rescued. I don't care what color your skin is.

I would say that the LRA is something of a horror story for many people & I would hate for the argument of how things should be done or the politics surrounding that to shadow the faces of the people living through this nightmare.

I think that human rescue should not be political, but rather should be personal. So if God has placed a passionate burden on the hearts of some people to stop a murderous man.....I think that's awesome. If He has not placed that specific burden on your heart or my heart.....I think that's OK too. I think God has wired us differently & there are a whole lot of hurting people in the world that need our attention. I'm thankful to live in a country that had the resources & the moral character to step in when Adolf Hitler was wiping out a massive number of innocent people. And I am OK being criticized if our country steps in to help speak up for those who cannot speak up for themselves.

I am OK with that.

Not everyone is OK with that.

But I hope that the disagreement around that could be tabled for a moment to simply consider the brutality & reality of the situation. And maybe more importantly, find out what burdens your heart so deeply....because there is something there. It may be hidden under a lot of bad experiences or comfort, but there's something placed on each of our hearts that is purposed for something important.

And when we tap into that - then we'll see the church rockin & rollin like God intended for it to.

27 million.

So, at Passion 2012 many incredible things happened. Which doesn't surprise me anymore. God seems to show up & the willingness & eagerness inside the students present tends to explode with love & mercy & justice & all of the things that God is about.

This year the conference stood for & asked the students to raise money to end modern day slavery.

This sculpture was raised & covered with items touched by people in bondage. The students wrote prayers & Scripture & their words as they prayed for & committed to be aware of these individual, precious people represented by these items.

I love that this sculpture stands for freedom, because that's what Jesus stands for.......& I often wonder if people really know that. I love that the people who took part in the sculpture know that & want the world to know & remember that Jesus cares deeply for these people & calls us to care deeply as well & act on their behalf.

This video was released this week & it's awesome.

Tonight they will begin a 72 day campaign for freedom. And you can read more about it here.

And all 2 of you out there reading this can at least know what this is all about. If you are in Atlanta & see this 130 ft arm reaching towards Heaven, at least now you know a little bit about it. If you don't live in Atlanta.....then maybe now you know a little bit more about some terrible that's going on in our world today.

More slaves in the world today than in any other time in history.

And this blog has served as a record for our family....& this is part of our tapestry now. It has touched us & I want it documented.

And so it is.

And as you go through the day today, remember the people who are trapped right now. We play a part in that & I am learning & agree that boycotting is not the answer. I don't know the answer to make this nightmare go away for these people. But I believe in prayer. And I believe the Lord has heard their cries & has called His people to respond.

dr report

Well.

We loaded up & headed to the eye doctor. He's a great doctor. Called us back from the waiting room himself!! And my 3 in glasses followed behind with the baby constantly looking back, "it's not my turn to get drops, right mom?"

And the big girl jumped in the chair, ready for the challenge ahead of her & so hopeful. & my heart sank as I heard her struggle through the letters.

When I saw how big the letters were that she couldn't read I thought I might cry for her right then.

But he put drops in her eyes to dilate her pupils & we waited. And after he checked her eyes again he said that her vision has changed!!!

When he got the right prescription on her she read through those letters all the way to the bottom - missing one. She mistook an "F" for a "P"! Easy mistake.

The patch is working :).

She only has to wear it for 2 hours a day rather than 4 & she was so excited!!!

We are thrilled & thankful to see the Lord restoring her vision.

He's a redemptive God. A God of restoration. & we will hold tight to Him regardless.

Thank you for your prayers!

her eyes.

My baby....well, my big girl.....goes to the dr this week to learn about how her eye is doing.

She's been a trooper.

She is so responsible about wearing her patch for her 4 hours every day. I often don't even have to remind her to put it on. She just does it.

And when we found out that the littles were getting glasses, she didn't complain that they didn't have to wear patches & she did. She asked 'why?' & sighed a little because it's hard to do things like this all by yourself......but she moved on.

She's been strong & I'm so proud of her & I'm jotting it down here because I want her to never forget that I admire her for how she has handled this. It's not a big deal in the big picture.

We know that.

She knows that.

But she wishes she could see normally & if she can't she just wishes that she could not have to wear her patch.....as pretty & fun as they are. Some days she just wants, and these are her words, "for people to not stare at me."

So. She's praying & I'm praying with her. And we would love for anyone reading this to pray about this part of her story......that her vision would be great. Great enough to say farewell to the pretty patches. And that we would completely trust that the Lord has a big story for her life & whatever that looks like, that we will rejoice. And God gets the glory for all of it because it's His big amazing canvas.

Not perfection. Perfection, or even the attempt or desire for perfection, keeps us clinging to ourselves or to another's applause. We want whatever it is that keeps us close to Him.

Patch or no patch.

the hearts part deux

We had a blast making these!!

It has been nice to have a little time carved out to really spend some time this year, this season, whatever..... it's been nice to have time.

It's funny, it's not like the time hasn't been there all along - we have just filled it up with stuff that I honestly can't really remember. These are the moments I remember & it's usually because the kids won't let me forget! Short amount of amazingly messy happy times are totally multiplied.

hearts & a big ol mess

Yes. I'm remembering it all so clearly now. These are my favorite things. Valentine's, for starters, though not my favorite holiday with all the commercializing the love, but I do love the hearts & the chocolate & the crafts & the candy.

But a true love of mine is just getting a little messy on the kitchen floor with the littles. I don't do it enough & we haven't done it in a while. We started making our valentine's today & had a pretty great time. And oh my goodness why don't I just snap her picture all the live long day? That face! That funny expression! & she does it always when the camera is on her. These are the days......right?

I was in line at target & a dad told me to hold on to these days & I could tell he was remembering his bigs when they were littles. And I can't imagine the memories that he holds in his heart because my heart could explode with all that is in there already.

And as an added bonus I feel such freedom snapping the pictures at moments like this because my house is supposed to look like this. You don't notice what a disaster it all is with the glory of the flour & such scattered here, there & yonder.

I love playing with dough - something messy & pliable that can be molded into something beautiful. The sweet picture of this while making hearts just makes for pretty awesome conversation. Beautiful messes covered by grace. I can't wait to post pictures of their finished products!!!

The Doster Family: Give Them Grace

My sweet friend Rebecca wrote his post today & thought it was worth passing along.

The Doster Family: Give Them Grace: I am reading this book and I am LOVING it. One thing I have struggled with as a new mom, and I knew I would from day one, is feeling li...

Story Telling

I was busying myself around the house when I looked over & saw my 2 youngest 'reading' - the boy 'reading' to the girl. She was snuggled up right next to him & I grabbed my phone to snap a picture.

And then I heard those noises in my head.

The 'clicks' ..... like a shutter opening & closing.

What was that?

So familiar.....

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks....

My phone has made life speed up. Much faster than it's supposed to & much faster than I am comfortable with.

When did I settle for a phone snapshot?

When did I settle for grabbing my phone out of my pocket to just send that picture off to the facebook??

When did this happen?

Where in the world is my camera?

My camera. When I look through the lens of my camera (that I

am so unqualified to even use, by the way,) I hear stories being told.

Memories being filed away & I feel so present.

When did I start moving too fast to carry that big ol' thing around?

Well.

That stops today my friend.

No more.

No more of this phone camera picture snapping.

I'm back to the process of story telling.

Story telling is a process.

It forces a barrier between my story & theirs & gives a more clear perspective.

It's slower. It develops.

It spiritual.

Me & camera.

Because I am not thinking about fast forwarding through these years of him reading to her when he can't even read himself. It's not nearly as much fun to watch him read to her when he can actually read! I mean, LOTS of people can do that!

It's those special years when the pictures tell the story & only the one holding the book can tell you that story.

I want to know that story.

Only a few people on the planet get tickets for that show & I am one of them.

more Christmas

Not sure how this got lost in the draft folder.....but these are some of my favorite pictures from our time in Jackson.....way back when it was still 2011.

Christmas in MS

It's been a year of loss in our family. My Stepmom died in August & then my Grandmother in September. Both not expected, though I'm learning that death usually catches you off guard.

Even when we are as prepared as we can be, I think it can still take our breath away to have lost a person.

I know there's a lot more brewing in my head & in my heart about these things, but I'm not ready to let it out just yet.

We went to Mississippi to see my dad & to celebrate Ch

ristmas with him & our family there. It was awesome & it was lonely & it's strange learning to adjust with someone missing. Especially for one of my most favorite people in the whole wide world - my dad.

He threw a big party & bought out Toys R Us for the kids & there were screams of "THIS IS JUST WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED!!!"s throughout the house. And I'm pretty sure they meant it.

But more than the gifts, they just love that man. Their Granddaddy. He's good - so so good with them. He truly loves them & loves being with them.....& the

y know that.

And that means a lot to me.

I wish I could get the words out of me that want to come out. But they aren't quite forming real sentences yet. So to avoid the great risk of embarrassment, I'll try again later.

I'm off to catch up on some much needed sleep so that we can be ready for the next

2 days around here.

Behold!

I love Christmas.

When I was pregnant with my eldest, her due date was January 1st. And my Christmas wish was that she would be with me in front of a fire, hot chocolate in hand, by Christmas day.

And she was.

She continues to show herself as a thoughtful child.

I waited with such anticipation for her.

This new person - the dream in my heart was about to be real.

And all during Advent, pastors & priests everywhere are trying to find new & creative ways to help the people muster up that same anticipation.

I think about it every time I read part of the Christmas story to my kids....I wonder if they will grow bored with the story. Because I certainly have in my life. I heard it so many times that I just quit listening.

And it breaks my heart.

We live in a fast moving culture & if it's not new, well, then it's old & we lose interest.

One of my kids totally gets it.

He actually said today, "Mom! I almost forgot! I thought for a minute how excited I was for the toys on Christmas, but then I thought ooooooh, wait! Christmas is not about the toys. Even if I got no toys, God still gave me the best present."

& it's become very contagious....this excitement for a Savior being born.

So we have been following his lead.

This child is loving the passage from Isaiah where he tells the people what a gift that is coming for them! And I am able to imagine how exciting that must have been.

Everything we could ever hope for is still the same!!!

And He was coming into the world!!!

And He is coming again.

'And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace'

And that is all I need.

I pray that I will be filled with that sufficient gift this Christmas......and nothing more.

Blurry

For a couple of years we have noticed that my big girl has squinted.

It's been strange, though, because she sees some things clearly far away & close up & she passes all of her vision screenings at her pediatricians office. They came to the conclusion that she may have gotten into the habit of squinting because of her hair being in her eyes.

Her squinting was sort of random & she never struggled in the classroom.

So we didn't do anything. We sort of got used to it & were fine to listen to the advice of our doctor.

Until about a month ago when her teacher suggested we take her to see an eye doctor.

And she has something called amblyopia.

Which is kind of a fun word to say. But it was weird to hear when I was simply expecting a prescription.

And she needs glasses & she'll wear a patch for a little while every day to help her eye start working again.

And she's fine with all of it.

And we are too.

But it's strange to hear any sort of diagnosis from a doctor about your kid.

Something less than perfect.

But why in the world do we expect perfect?

We are blessed with so many resources to fix, or at least duct tape, our problems, that when the natural break down happens, we are shocked.

Maybe it's because there are so many cushions that do break our falls that it's hard to understand when the cushion is not there.

We were never promised perfect, but I sometimes think I am entitled to perfect.

The right guy for a lifetime. The right number of kids - healthy, please. The house in the location that keeps me comfortable. The money to maintain life as I enjoy it...and if I'm honest I would say I do a lot to keep all of that in balance.

And we were never promised all of that.

What's crazy is that the Dr telling us that she had this condition is not what gave her this condition.

It was already there.

We are thankful he told us so we could do something about it. Because it was the not doing something about it that brought us to this place anyway. If we had taken her in sooner & heard someone tell us that her eyes didn't work well, then we would have known what was true....and dealt with that before her eye stopped working.

But we continued to walk around a little blurry.

And it's easy to do that.

To walk around with a condition that can be fixed, but don't because we've gotten comfortable with where we are.

Our eye problem....it's minor compared to other things.

And it's never a great idea to compare those stories because they are all jam packed with opportunity. It's a big part of His story for her....but in the scheme of things....it's not really a real big deal.

Right after she got her glasses & started wearing her adorable little pirate patches, we went to church.

And Louie, our pastor man, spoke about the man born blind.

And it was like Jesus himself was introducing me to a friend.

I smiled & felt such peace.

It was a sweet reminder of a man whose life we never would have recognized....had Jesus had not encountered that man born blind.

He shines in the darkness.

And so I pray & she believes that God will meet us in these times of perceived imperfection. And He can.

And because she wants Him to, I know He will.

Hi.

It's been a while. Not that anyone's listening....but I feel like it's appropriate to acknowledge that it has, in fact, been a while.

My computer crashed recently. I have lost the majority of my pictures while simultaneously working on photo books for the past 4 years. It's been a challenge.

Except that I have had this blog.

It's been amazing to go back & piece some things together. I'm amazed at the memories captured here. The little things that would have slipped my mind. That did slip my mind. I'm so thankful they have been documented.

Which is why I'm back.

There are lots of reasons for why I've been silent & one of those reasons was addressed at a conference I attended a few months ago. Something was said along the lines of learning to not care what people think. It's a simple concept. One I would have said I embraced....until I realized how hard it really is. It's too easy to let other people serve as your audience. The fear of criticism or offending...or of being approved of or applauded. Both are dangerous camps. Both can be good, but neither can serve as a compass.... & I have had to work through the 'why' of this little online spot where I vent.

But the journey that has been document has been important & it took time & the need of a reminder to see that. So I hope that I'm back because I have honestly missed it.

It's very therapeutic to get thoughts out knowing that someone might read them. There's an accountability & a thoughtfulness that goes into it that is different from a journal.

Anyway.....that's all for now.

Summer 2011

Not sure how it happened but I have let my/our schedule spin completely out of control. I don't know if I had some margin in my life & thought it wise to fill up every waking moment on the calendar, or what....but it's been a tad crazy around here. I enjoy the lazy mornings where even at lunchtime we realize that we are still in our pajamas, popsicles for breakfast, spur of the moment walks around the neighborhood,....it's what summer is all about.
We haven't had that just yet.
We have instead had the schedule similar to a college football player....two a days is what they call it, I believe. I never played college football myself (brief pause for shock & awe)...but I had friends & know about things like this & it never sounded like fun. So how I managed to arrange this type of daily life for me & 3 small children is really hard to understand.
Don't get me wrong, all of the things we have been doing are actually really fun. I think I have fallen into the spiral of being afraid to 'miss out'. The list of really great & fun things to do is a long one.
And I don't wanna choose.
I want to do it all.

Swim team? Yes.
VBS? Absolutely.
Volunteer at VBS? Why not!?
Dinner with friends? Count me as a yes.
Afternoon swimming with friends? Of Course.
Let's throw in a doctor's appointment, a haircut, a swim lesson & a broken coffee maker situation.
All in the same week? Noooooo problem.
We are having the time of our lives, but the problem comes when we're all crying from complete exhaustion at the end of the day & when we try to recap the super fun memories....all I can say is, "Please stop talking! Lie down...I know you're still in your clothes just go to sleep you'll change in the morning. I'm turning the lights off......"
No. Fun.
So, we're slowing down.

And the other night we sat on the porch & made our list....the things we want to do this summer. And it pleased me so to hear suggestions such as "Movie night with popcorn!!! Let's go on a walk!! Swimming when it's dark outside!!!"
Yes.
Summer....we're a little late but we're coming & we can't wait.

We took a picture of our first thing checked off the list..... Family Slushie Day.
Check!

Calvin

I've been a bad blogger recently.....and there's a chance I won't be much better for a little while. I'm needing to speak my voice into this little flock under my feet for right now & not so much anywhere else. But this just needed to be shared.
Maybe the most impactful words of this story for me were, "the love from the people seeing me as a human saying, 'good mornin' sir, excuse me, sir'....." broke my heart. Tears started streaming down my face this morning when we heard Calvin's story. The words 'excuse me, sir'....meant that people actually treated him as a human.
I don't even know what to think about that......that anyone feels like they are not human.
It just breaks my heart.
But an incredible story of redemption. True redemption. Love is what the Gospel is all about. Love....and seeing people through God's lenses....all people......

perfume.

I love the story in the Bible about the woman who poured perfume on Jesus' feet.

I love that she broke all kinds of rules in that moment - in the eyes of the people around her.

The complete abandonment of her reputation - placing herself in a position of complete mockery....all because she knew she was completely loved by Jesus.

When I really understood that, my life was certainly changed....

But when I look at her. It's pretty incredible.

There are lots of incredible parts of that story....

Matthew writes that she poured a very expensive jar of perfume on His feet, John writes that she wiped it on His feet with her hair.

Her hair shouldn't have been down.

She shouldn't have been present at the gathering of men.

And what a waste of perfume?!

The people present ridiculed her.

People who had been touched by Jesus.

Lazarus, for goodness sake, who had just been raised from the dead!

We do that to one another all the time.......I think.

I'm learning that I don't know how to talk without italics?? Technology has done a good job of pointing that out to me.
Now, back to whatever I was talking about....

We judge another person's choices as godly or ungodly based on whatever argument we want to use.....but the truth is that the money belongs to the Creator of the Universe and it has never been about His need for our money.

Or our perfume.

But always out of an act of worship.

We know people who when their son was choosing where he wanted to attend high school he chose to be the diversity within a school that didn't have much diversity.
A very expensive private school.....to be the diversity.

I know of a church whose mission is to be there for people who may have been wounded by the church over the years...to reach a generation of people who have heard from Christians their whole life that they are not loved because of the choices they have made....I am for every penny that needs to build that church, because it breaks my heart that people would ever feel unloved by God.

One of the disciples that day reclining by the table with Jesus stated something that I have certainly said before, I am sure....."Why this waste? This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor."

Yikes.

We make money bigger than God sometimes.......and bigger than people.

Sometimes it takes a lot of money to love on certain types of people - sometimes it's expensive plane trips, or big buildings, or moving into a neighborhood you can't afford, or a school. Sometimes just trying to speak someone else's language costs lots of money.....when trying to reach a generation that is highly technological & media focused...sometimes it means spending money so they can hear.
So they can feel understood.

If it's out of complete love & response to the Father.....then it's perfume.

Perfume that well meaning people will call wasteful......

God called it beautiful.

A friend wrote a post recently about choosing to use money a certain way & I have had this post stored away for a while...waiting for the right day to put it out there.

It seemed right after reading their words.

We are people - individuals - created very specifically for different purposes. My prayer these days is that we would be united in the midst of our different purposes.
That we would spur one another along...not in our callings but in one anothers' callings.

My heart breaks all the time because I see people doing good things....really great things....and yet in the middle of it a judgement bounces off onto all the people around them.....guilt for not living life the way they are.

I have talked to more wounded people who feel ashamed for the "perfume" they are pouring out....because it looks a little different...maybe not as 'glamorous'.

I want so badly to have the heart of Mary......willing to give it all away, just to love Him.

apparently we're getting some order

We've been bogged down with crazy disorganization. And by the past tense use of "been" I actually mean that we "are" - it's not solved. But it was nice to see the kids join in the fun. That girl ismore of a delegator than a doer & I can respect that. But I love this sign. Glad to have it documented.

"The rule is put it back when you're done playing with it. Read the sign. It says."

Awesome.

the final celebration....

If you have ever known me well....you know that I like to stretch out the birthday celebrating.
A week.....a month....
and it should go without saying that by the end we are all ready to tear the crown off the head of the center of attention.

But we all have a turn & it's fun.
So this was the day that we wrapped it all up.
With some family & a buddy at the playground.
It was great & he was so happy to be celebrated again.

Please check out the sunglasses over the baseball hat...his doing. I bet i'll have a fast forward picture of this in about 14 years.

There's some peanut buttercream frosting (and while we're there...is it peanutbuttercream? peanutbutter cream? what is gramatically correct??) on that bad boy.....and it was fabulous.
I did give up sweets for Lent...but I made a conscious decision about a week ago to enjoy a cupcake on this particular day.
And it was yummy.

His uncle gave him a Buzz Lightyear belt. He's a fan.

OK.....next birthday coming up is Lee's......
and then it's mine all mine.

Happy Birthday Big man!!!

videos of the bowling

These videos pretty much just make me laugh.

I love the running start.

And the fact that he really almost kicked that sucker down the alley.....which would have broken a toe & put a damper on the birthday....glad he didn't.

Great great night.

he is four

The day started just like this.
We woke that boy up with a chipper little song & a camera.

And at first he wasn't thrilled.
Until he remembered that today was the day that he turned 4!!!
And at breakfast he said...."when we bless the food, do you think you can sing happy birthday to me again??"


My boy was born on the 1st day of March madness 4 years ago. Lee & I had just had a lunch date to celebrate all the games....nerdy highlighters & brackets in hand. And a week early he decided to make his appearance in the middle of that night. After the games were over. But i sat in the hospital in very active labor.....bracket in hand.
And so basketball cookies were made.
And on the way to school he casually said, "Mom, will you pray for the day & maybe you could pray for my birthday??"
Precious.


Dinner at the favored spot.

His sister wrapped the present she bought for him & unbeknownst to me, she also wrapped 2 of his favorite books from our playroom :).

He was so excited.....about the books that already belong to him.

Which just makes me really happy.
And the Christmas wrapping paper.
It's just all so awesome.
This whole birthday - full of all kinds of awesome.

We had the baby go to the grandparents & we took the bigs bowling.

Videos to follow.

And then the frogs.

Bill & Sally.

He immediately & assuredly named them.

Bill. and Sally.
And that was that.

This boy.....I had 2 sisters growing up. Lots of drama. Crying....oh the crying...mostly by me. I still don't know how to fully communicate without the tears. And though I assumed that I would be the mother of all boys, marrying a boy with only brothers....I took biology....I knew things....I just assumed.....boys.
But when I met him for the first time....
I just never knew.
Having a son.
No. That's not it.

It is him.
It's this particular boy......oh how I love him.
His 'matter of fact' way about things.
His shrug of the shoulders, his 'sure', his shy way, the fact that I can always bank on the fact that he is behind my left thigh at all times, the way he cares for his sisters, the way he lays his clothes out each night, I love him.
I never knew how much I could ... and I just cannot believe that he is four!
That it was just 4 years ago that we met him......Happy birthday mister.
I'm so thankful for you. Just as you are.
I'm so excited to have front row seats during this time of your life.
I wouldn't miss it for the world.